My uncle Roy is

An encyclopedia

Of pornography.

How sad that a boy

So full of promise would grow

To be Scott Baio.

It goes in your mouth

I won't tell you what it is

You fucking pervert.

Grape jelly ruined
what dignity I had left -
Damn you, sex scandal.

I used to throw rocks
at those birthday party clowns
until I killed one.

If I were a cat
I would run and prance and mew
and lick my own balls.

Captain Kangaroo
taught me everything I know -
Even "No means yes".

All work and no play
makes you successful at life
but not at checkers.

"Get offa my cloud!"

Mick Jagger said to Gandhi

It's a gas gas gas.

You foiled me, Bond!

I never thought you'd find that

Secret doggy door

Wanna go get stoned?

I got a time machine, so

Let's get blasphemous.

You may be richer
and taller, but I have more
pineapples than you.

I cut myself once
by accident - it's more fun
if it's on purpose.

Lots of things arouse

Sexual excitement in

My closet at home

I have carefully

Arranged many syllables

To make a dick joke.

The last line of this

Haiku has eight syllables.

I sure done fucked things up this time.

Let's go to the bar

And find some drunken frat boys

And ruin their lives.

Come check out all this

Underage pussy we got!

Kitten adoptions!

Put that thing away

before you get us all killed,

You goddamn nazi!

That trifling whore is

fucking my best friend tonight.

Nah...eight rabid hounds.

Los Angeles folks,

on the whole, are well prepared

for how hot Hell is.

I heard she loved dogs

so I dragged ass on the rug

and didn't get laid.

"No iceberg lettuce?"

"No, I'm very sorry, sir -

blame global warming."

all material on this site copyright 2008 by flip cassidy